Changes

There are so many changes in my life right now, I'm kind of numb about it. I'm getting ready to graduate from my group sessions, I need to find things to keep me busy during the day while Richard is at work and Brandon is at school. I used to have Angel Food to look forward to but sadly that is coming to an end also. I feel sad that all of this is changing. There is nothing I can really do to stop it, so I just have to make different arrangements for myself. I have a few things in mind but it is overwhelming. I feel really lonely right now also. I know I have Richard and Brandon in my life and I am so grateful for that. Yet It feels like I have no friends. I don't know why it feels that way because Terry has always been my friend, she is always there for me and we talk at least once a week. So why do I feel this way? I wish I could answer my own questions. Uggghhhhh

A dark well

Have you ever fallen down a well and watched how dark it gets the deeper you go? Well technically neither have I, but that is what it feels like sometimes. The more I try to claw my way out the more tired I get. When I get this tired I can't even look up to see the light. With all that I have in my life I should not be in this dark place. My son is the brightest light I have ever seen. I adore him and love him with all my heart. Yet I still cannot get out of the pit. Some people think I should "just do it" "just get over it". Well as easy as that sounds, it's not. If I could do that I wouldv'e done that 25 years ago. WOW 25 years of feeling like this. I really must be sick. I want to feel joy, I want to feel happiness, I want to feel like I'm not a burden on my family and others. I want to feel love. Yet I feel darkness. I'm going to keep doing the therapy, and keep trusting in God to pull me through this once again. I guess that is all I can do. The other options are just not good enough.